Shit scared and doing it
I’m shit scared of the choice that I’m making. Of the action I’m following.
I’m shit scared as in my 36 years in this human experience, this is the first time in my life I’ve taken a proactive decision for me only and taking action on it.
In the past I was taking action because I was told to : Don’t do theatre at university, do a course that will get you a job at the end. And I did. I believed that I needed a man in my life for me to be successful, and I found an incredible one, and stayed together for 11 years. I was told to look a certain way, say certain things to be like and loved, and so I did. And the list goes on.
The thing was, as I was trained for all this, I became really good at it. Today it all feels it’s easy to take action on the above.
What’s not easy, is to follow my heart, to allow myself to receive what I truly desire after a lifetime of shoving it down and denying it to myself.
I’m going towards my intuition, which also means it’s not clear to me yet as its my path which hasn’t been walked yet. I’m not taking someone elses paths that’s already been walked and marked.
Into the unknown I go. I’m letting go of the rational, and following something way deeper inside of me. Something that excites me. Something that’s pulling me forward.
It’s scary, I cry, I feel the uncertainty, and I’m leaping straight into it.
I’ve tried the certain, it left me with a big emptiness feeling. I don’t want to live in the empty anymore. I want to feel alive, as I am alive.
Ps. if you feel the need to comfort me, I invite you to look inside of yourself and notice why is that need coming up for you. I choose to feel all my feelings today. It’s healthy to feel. It’s my life, therefore it’s my choice. I invite you to join the feeling train, Bonus, get to be your greatest, boldest version self towards embodying your queen self.
From one queen to another.
With love.
Tara
Grieving my old self
In 1 week I’m embarking on a new journey. A journey that I consciously choose for myself. A journey i’m being pulled to.
It’s scaring the crap out of me as this is the first time in my 36 years alive that I’m doing so. BTS stream of tears are caressing my face right now, add the occasional sniffle to that too.
I’m grateful for the part of myself that has brought me to this moment here. She’s incredible, she’s strong, thoughtful, placed other people in front of her always, caring, empathic, persistent, and so much more.
I’m letting her go in a way. She’ll no longer be in charge. I’m bringing on a new CEO Queen in my life.
I can allow myself to let this old of me go as I’cve accepted her, exactly how she is. I love her and I’m grateful for all that she brought into my world. I’ve stopped trying to change her. And by accepting, comes release, lightness in my new decisions.
This is the second time I’m feeling a big shift in Identity, and it won’t be the last and I’m a eternal student of life, I’ll learn and evolve.
The transition periods are part of the journey. Fear comes up as I’m letting of one hand of who I was to leap into my new version.
As uncomfortable as it feels, I embrace this journey as I know what’s coming up ahead for me is bigger, brighter, bolder than anything I can currently envision. More surprising too. AND it’s in the direction that fills my heart with joy. Following my wild heart.
The real truth - Jan 7th
I can’t share all that’s going on. It’s too much. No one can relate. I’m alone like this. I’m not normal to have so much shit going on and feel all these feelings.
That’s an old part of me thinking this.
In the weekly Queen to Queen group, the notion of being ‘good’ with how things are came up, and there seem to be a limit to go to ‘great’. What came up between the 3 of us on the call was us not allowing us to be great. But in reality, greatness already is within us. It’s within you too. We have a tendency to think tha twe are not there yet, that more needs to be gained and accomplished. The truth is that we are already great today as we are. We are enough.
A question came up to ask each of us individually.
“What’s one thing you can do in the next 24 hours to embody your greatness?”
We each had a very different answer, one was to take an action she’d been meaning to take since a few weeks, the other was to trully celebrate herself.
Mine, which surprised me was to share my truth of what’s going on right now. Being my authentic self and showing up vulnerable too.
What feels to me super vulnerable.
Private family matters happening
I’m currently visiting for a private family matter, and it’s affecting me emotionally, and energetically. I feel a heaviness from the events happening.
There’s also family dynamics going on and I’d had an apprehension, as some previous meet up had included triggers and harsh words were said.
Exciting coaching program coming up and transformational work coming up
I’ve also had 2 beautiful talks with close individuals where I’m sharing my work, and the program I’m launching, and they want to join, as they want the results the programs will get there. I did not try to sell the programs, in the society norms of selling ‘buy my program’ type of way.
Relocating to a new country, new languages, new people
I’m moving out of Sète in France and relocating to Portugal for at least 2 months. This is the first time in my 36 years of life that I’m choosing where I’m going for myself. And a part of me feels it’s very big!
Family trying to understand
Coming out of 2 weeks spending time with family, them asking and wanting to know what my exact plan is. And for them not having a return ticket and large portions of unknown is not normal in a plan. My old self coming up and feeling the need to justify her choices, and at the same time my current self knowing that I’m on incredible journey, and all will unfold smoothly, as it’s meant to happen. Solutions will come to me in the moments they need to be applied.
“If you think you’re enlighten, go and spend a week with your family”
Letting go and creating a new identity
I’m also going through an internal identify shift. In 2019 after being 13 years on the birth control, I stopped taking it. From the book “This is your brain on birth control: How the pills changes everything” by Sarah Hill, I’ve gained greater awareness of what my body was going through.
A woman on her natural hormonal cycle will have oestrogene released in her body pre ovulation which will make her feel sexy, desires, energised to look for a mate spring/summer phase - thank you biology. Past ovulation, progesterone is released in the body to prepare the body for pregnancy, it’s time to rest, cocoon, introversion happens energetically, mothering mode in a way ish autumn phase. Winter is period phase.
When a woman takes the pill, she’s only on progesterone phase. From 17 to 30 I’ve been living in autumn phase / progesterone. Which is a different person to my current cycling self who gets to live through spring and summer phase every cycle. I feel like I shine brighter.
PS. when I was on the pill, a friend told be she stop feeling that spring / summer phase and she felt weird. I’d never been on it and therefore I didn’t see what she was talking about, I thought I was fine and felt great as I was. So if you can’t relate and think you’re just fine where you are, I relate to you. And your current feeling are true for you.
Since 2019 I’ve been taking action as a reaction to my environment. Today I’ve shifted to being proactive. This is a major shift in my way of functioning.
I’ve also been trying to define my future self with who I’ve been. But I’m no longer my version on the pill. I have no idea who I would have been in the past not on the pill.
Which is a great news and also unknown future. To redefine myself with who I want to be, letting go of the condition of who I was.
To recap
Private family matters happening
Exciting coaching program coming up and transformational work coming up
Relocating to a new country, new languages, new people
Family trying to understand the choices I make through my living experience but with their life lenses and therefore not understanding.
Letting go of old identity - which was defined by the hormonal pill I was taking
Creating my new identity
All while continuing to take care of myself.
It’s a lot. It feels like a lot. I cry in the evenings, I cry when I feel support from beautiful humans who let me know that they are there for me, let us know how we can best support you.
The old part of me believed that because I’m going through all of this, I’m not good enough or not worthy of what I truly desire.
My TRUTH TODAY, I feel grounded, the trust in myself is at its highest it’s ever been. There’s a deeper knowing that feels unshakeable. Which make me feel strong, power on the journey I’m taking.
The truth is that we all have a lot going on most of the time. As humans we are resilient, and we can do incredible things. You are capable of a heck of a lot more thant you think you can.
May you choose to embody your greatness today, as it’s already within you right now.
I invite you to answer and act on the following today.
Before asking yourself the question, close your eyes, take a deep breath and tune into your boyd sensations. Then ask yourself.
“What’s one thing you can do in the next 24 hours to embody your greatness?”
And then take that action.
You want more inspiration, more vulnerable stories, more opportunities to create the life you want, sign up to my email list HERE.
May you be the greatess you’ve ever been!
With love from my wild heart.
Tara
I cry therefore I can’t
As I’m reading a report on volunteering a memory comes back up.
When I was little I remember seeing the ads on TV about malnourished kids and the NGO’s asking for donations. I remember feeling the hurt I would see and feeling teary.
As a teenager, I was curious about volunteering but I believed that I was not strong enough to do so as I would feel teary and most likely cry when volunteering. And therefore I was inadequate.
That belief is long gone. But it was with me for a while.
I cry therefore I not strong enough, not good enough.
I remember watching movies and hiding my tears being ashamed of them.
All that is long gone.
In 2022 when my grand father was dying, I was crying on the trains, in front of family, on the phone with friends. Surprisingly I was told that I dealt with everyone phases of greif and the updates in an incredible manor, that’s I’d been so strong through it. All that while allowing myself to cry.
As for volunteering, crying has never been a problem. I’m present, I’m supportive, I’m empathic.
What is crying?
Crying is a release function of your body’s nervous system. To cry means that you’re allowing your emotions to flow through you. That’s you’re healthy!
Studies have shown that an emotions exist for 60 to 90 seconds.
To not cry, well just imagine you needing to pee, and holding it in forever, your bladder would burst from the inside and then you’d have urine all over your inside, and that will cause further issues. Not healthy.
That what you’re doing when you hold emotions back, you’re pilling up a type of toxins within your body.
As I’m typing this sentence just came up:
I cry, therefore I can 🙂
Observation on helping during gatherings
Written on 20241222
gatherings with family and close friends
The conclusion : Don’t ask how can you help, observe how things are done, and jump in.
Observation - how I function
I’ve been raised to help out.
During the two months of summer, I was with my grand-parents, and we had to come before lunch to set the table. During lunch we’d get up to remove things from the table and bring the new dishes. And when we were done, we’d clean up. This was the norm when it was just my sister and I with our grand-parents
Pre lunch, I’d also be in the kitchen helping. Curious to learn how my grand-mother made the super tasty meals.
My grand-mother doesn’t delegate tasks, she wants things to be done a certain way. In the past she showed my how things were done, today I observe and I do things as she does. I do the same at every place I go. OBSERVE
When I go to close friends places, I help out. I’m the one who gets told off because I’m doing the dishes at the hosts place. I’m invited and I want to help.
OBSERVE + JUMP IN
Observations - external at family gatherings.
In two different occasion, two different cousins, asking : “How can I help?” - and crickets.
Not knowing what to do.
Personal thoughts
👉 I know with my grand-mother she doesn’t answer as she does not delegate. Of wanting things to be done 100% her way and not wanting people in her way.
So asking won’t get you anywhere with someone who doesn’t delegate.
👉 When people are busy, they’re focused on the thing they’re doing, most often making sure the food doesn’t burn. And therefore don’t think about what else can be done.
👉 Also, when you’re already helping you’re usually where and when help is asked. I find myself at reach when something needs to be done. Whereas people coming in the middle asking, can I help?, are usually not there when the help is wanted. And not wanting to disturb, the host won’t specifically reach out to you if you’re talking to others, or busy with something else.
Goes both ways.
CONCLUSION
If you want to help, observe and jump in and be close to where you can be called for without being in the way ;)
Are you forgetting …
Tis the season to be merry,
Yes And, still take care of yourself too in the process.
WHAT’S NEW
My last 2 weeks, due to family happenings, I’ve been hit hard by past triggers. Which meant I’ve felt all the emotions coming up, and spent a lot of time to ground myself to come back to my baseline, not quite there yet.
WINS:
💪 I didn’t snap, woop woop! I noitce that I feel the hurt and take distance to do what I need to do for myself.
💪 I know to sleep on decision before acting on them, that’s how I function best, I learned and experimented this thanks to human design. I love knowing myself better in order for me to function at by best version.
💪 I reach out. I have incredible supporting people around me. They aren’t related to me, these are friendship I’ve cultivated over the years. And I can share openly, vulnerably and authentically without them being triggered by me. You know who you are and I love you for this.
💪 I have professional help, every 2 weeks I’m coached. I used my last session to work on this specific topic. My objective, I wanted to remind myself to move forward from my grounded resourced self, and not my triggered self.
The Feels:
I still feel the anger, a part of me that’s F***ing pissed off, and the hurt. A lot less since the coaching session.
I do not push these emotions down. I accept them. I’ve shared what happened with a few and the same reactions come up, they are shocked at what happened. Makes my ego feel validated. And also it’s my family and I’m well aware that’s the kind of things they do. Also well aware that, it’s not what happens in other family.
I choose to accept it. And my behaviour and will has completely changed because of this situation. I’m happy to help and support, and when something like this happens, I’m done.
everything has a ripple effect.
It’s ok to feel, it’s ok to accept the situation as is and not be ok with it. And it totally ok to change your behaviour after the happening.
THE REMINDER
Put yourself first, do what you need for yourself first.
If you’re not sure what you need, think about what you wish others would do for you, and give that to yourself now.
If you feel capable you can ask the person for what you need, without expecting them to say yes, but just ask, you might be surprised.
even if it’s a 5 mins pause to be alone, give that to yourself. xx
Be In The Arena
From a conversation today, a friend asking me how I make my decisions, as I’m currently in action mode and making a lot happen. Here’s some behind the scene [the mind]
PS. in the spirit of the year end, I’m celebrating you and gifting you a little something, scroll down to get it.
“What’s your plan with all that you’re doing?”
My reply was - “No plans, just being in the arena”
No plans, isn’t the whole truth, I have:
A long term vision that is open to evolution.
The knowing of the feeling I want in my life - and I get coached to keep this fresh within me. - more on this further down.
An unshakable belief in myself and my capacity - thank you for all the confidence I’ve built and nurtured till today.
The next small step is to take me forward and keep the momentum going.
There’s no fixed plan. I’m tuning a lot into intuition ( that thousand of years old compass within you that you fine tune daily) and following my wild heart desires.
Yes, it’s not the traditional society’s way of doing things.
I tried that, felt empty inside, exhausted, like I was going nowhere and completely out of place.
I’m doing things in an organic way. Life feels easy, even when working on things I don’t want to, it’s easy and fun sometimes. I feel fulfilled, energised, and intrinsically motivated.
ON THE FEELING YOU WANT TO FEEL
Coaching tip:
Don’t wait to get the thing to give you the feeling.
Give yourself the permission to feel what you want the thing to give you right now, and then go after it.
WHY?
If you wait for the thing to give you the feeling, SPOILER ALERT you’ll never feel the feeling.
Example, I’ll feel worthy when I get the promotion, the promotion comes and you still don’t feel worthy, you need another promotion.
I’ll feel beautiful when I lose 10kg, you lose the 10kg, and you still don’t feel beautiful.
The ONLY THING that can give you that feeling is YOU. You need to give yourself that feeling, give yourself permission to feel that feeling.
Don’t take my word for it, go ahead and chase that thing, and once you get it, let me know if you feel what you thought that thing was going to give you.
If you want to avoid the long journey to reaching that thing and not feel what you’ve wanted, send me a DM and let’s talk about working together to make sure that doesn’t happen.
BACK TO THE TOPIC - be in the arena
Over the past 2 years, I haven’t been in the arena, I’ve learned, trained and coached plenty, but I have not put myself out there publicly. I’ve kept myself out of the arena. No more. In the arena, I head. No certainty of the outcome, but I am here, and here to stay.
Can you resonate with my story? What parts do you resonate with?
How are you keeping yourself out of the arena?
What’s one thing you can do in the next 24hrs of reading this to put you in the arena, however small that action may be?
Welcome into the arena, I cheer you on for choosing yourself and leaping in.
🤸♀️🎉😍SPECIAL FOR DECEMBER 2024✨🎉🤩
4 FREE webinars coming up in December - pick the one/s you want to attend, click on the title for more info and registration.
2024 is coming to an end and I want to celebrate you. Yep, you reading this right now. One more year of showing up as the beautiful soul that you are. In the spirit of celebrating I've got a gift for you. One or Four as you wish you get to pick, see what's pulling forward.
No. 1
3 PRINCIPLES TO A 'YES AND' LIFE
No more compromising what fills your soul for your current priority. I know that there is another way of doing this. I've left the 'EITHER/OR' world and created my own 'YES AND' life. You can do it too. PS. you already have all that you need within you. Getting someone to guide you, like me, can get you there faster and with greater ease.
No. 2
BREAKING BARRIERS: Time, Money, and Self-Worth
What your telling yourself that's holding you back and a way to remove each.
No. 3
One of my favourites, every time I use this tool with a client they leave with a massive smile on their face, feeling confident, knowing which next action to take and making it happen.
Don't just take my word for it, try it on yourself.
No. 4
STARTING 2025 WITH A BANGING PLAN
your 90 day goal blueprint
Simple process to creating a plan to make action taking easy
The investment, these are all free. It's investing your time, and action.
Connecting to something bigger - Joana Vasconcelos an inspiration
Written on 20241108
I went to visit the atelier of a world renown Portuguese artist Joana Vasconcelos.
Before then I didn’t know anything about her. While visiting a friend who’s an art consultant and the weekend happened to be Lisbon Art Weekend, she says, would you be interested in visiting this atelier? Which I reply sure. I’m always happy to discover new things.
WOW!
The inspiration as you walk into the space.
Her artwork is exposed as you walk in, in the gallery space. Their are bold, audacious, colourful and invite the eye to follow the curiosity and get closer. Not just the eye, the child in me would love to touch and feel the materials.
As we are guided around, we receive a description of the process. Joana listens to what comes through her and in collaboration with the commissioners creates the pieces.
In the middle of the visit, Joana comes by and answers a few of the details.
I asked her, after noticing the intricate details in one of her works in creation, how does she choose what she wants.
Her reply - I’m paraphrasing
It comes through me, I’m connected to something bigger than myself. I create in service to something bigger.
Follow up question:
What do you do to stay connected?
Her answer - I’m paraphrasing
Meditation, yoga, therapist, astrologist. I maintain my spirituality.
Ps. there’s more but I don’t remember them
She’s integrated the spirituality practice within her atelier. All employees have one hour of their paid workday, if they choose, they can participate in the offerings. It’s a whole department of people and space that has been set up for this.
She was contacted by Dior for two different projects in the same year to create in collaboration. She exposed her work as a solo exhibition in the Chateau de Versailles. She gets approached. She attracts people who want to work with her.
Other words that kept coming to mind throughout the visit were: force of nature and abundance.
That’s the kind of business I’m working to create.
Taking care of myself so that I may be in service to my clients in a nourished and resourced way. And for those I’m privileged to work beside to be nourished and resourced too.
There a power in stories.
I loved colaborating with Natalia and Arta in Hong Kong as I learned from her to inquire about the story behind the art and the artist. Humans connect through stories, that’s how we passed down knowledge before writing became a thing. And even in writing we tell stories.
I’m grateful to Natalia for suggesting this tour, to Sarah for sending the details to Natalia, to Koen for the beautiful tour he led, and for sharing his passion and inspiration he feels while working with Joana, and Joana for her incredible work she’s putting out there, and taking the time out from her day to be present with us during the tour and answering our curiosity questions.
Mentioned above:
Redefining what I want in relationship
Written on 20240906
Everyone has their idea of what a relationship is, and should look like, and therefore want that to be the relationship they are in.
My vision of a relationship has evolved over the years and continues to.
I went from having a traditional vision, the exclusive relationship where one stays together not asking questions because things worked, to expanding my vision to non-exclusive relationship where I can see a man on a regular basis, he sees another woman, and I get to spend time with another man too. Feelings being allowed, and welcomed on my part - more on that in a bit - closeness, and honesty being the foundation of this dynamic.
You would have told my 25 year old self I’d be like this today I would not have believed you. I did not have the capacity then.
I talk about redefining relationships as one only knows from what they see, and hears around them. And when talking, only a few options seem to be possible in one’s mind.
-
We’re in the same location or where apart.
You choose them, or me.
You change or else.
…
-
There’s a binary view of things.
I’ve learned that is not the case. There’s an infinity of possibilities. Some you don’t see as you’re focused on what you want but don’t have. Some you see but are a hell no. Some that scare the crap out of you.
But the possibilities are there, always.
What’s required?
The willingness to acknowledge that there’s a version of the relationship which you cannot see yet. And for that to appear on your radar, different choices need to be made.
I’ve written previously how in early August I chose myself as the values of the man I was seeing weren’t aligned with mine. I told him I was not interested in seeing him romantically anymore.
What happened next surprised me.
He honoured my choice and mentioned that seeing me choosing myself first inspired him to do the same for him.
We stayed in touch and met up for walks and talks.
A few weeks later, I shared an observation with his consent on his behaviour related to the values. From then I felt a shift in his behaviour. I also made another decision for myself which got me to ask how I wanted to spend the next couple of months, knowing that there is this incredible, emotionally intelligent man in my life and we share a great connection.
I consciously chose that I wanted to keep living this exchange romantic, emotional, mental exchange.
The dynamic of the relationship has shifted, I felt it and so did he. There’s greater ease between us.
I know that if I’d stayed with what we had early August I would have felt greater frustration and resentment. I stepped into the unknown and I was willing to let go of a dynamic that I didn’t want; frustration no thanks; for the possibility of no longer having anything.
I leaped straight in. I had no idea of what would happen next. I followed what mattered most for me, and trusted the journey.
YES, It’s crazy scary, hurt came up, and it’s all normal.
I’ve made being uncomfortable my new normal, which makes following my wild heart and letting it express itself way easier.
YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL. It can be EASY, you have the power to make it easy
Written on 20240904
I don’t have all the answers and the one way to get there.
The life I’m living today was not even on my mind 10 years ago. I did not have the capacity, experience, or knowledge to even dream of what I am living today.
“ You don’t know what you are missing when you’ve never had it.”
Here’s my life today - my personal biased opinion ;) -
I have a strong and healthy body. I can do the activities that light me up: dance salsa, practice yoga, go for swims, long walks, and head out canoeing with friends.
I have a restful and peaceful sleep
I have little fears and doubts stopping me to take actions
I have plenty of moments for me that I prioritise.
My relationships have deepened with my friends. I have a closer and smoother relations with my mother than I've ever had. I can express my fears and desires with the men I date and feel safe while doing so.
I currently have a full-time job, they contacted me to hire me again after the last season.
I have an unshakable knowing that my goals will come to be, even thought right now I have no idea how. I know it will happen. PS. This is a regular feeling I have.
I’ve learned to let go and have fun again.
And this journey is just at its beginning.
I saw this a few days ago and it’s how I feel.
"When roots are deep, there is no need to fear the wind."
African Proverb
May life bring me all that it has to offer, I don’t need to fear it. My roots are deep and I will withstand.
I write this to share a version of what’s possible. This is mine, you are the creator of yours.
I used to think in order to have it all I had to work hard always, sacrifice a lot, and not enjoy the process.
This is wrong.
Rest - gets you further
You - get to prioritise yourself and what matters to you
Easy - is the way
Fun - is inclusive and a must
My wish for you is that what you’re currently working towards comes to fruition. May it be bigger than you could ever imagine and may it show up in the most unexpected surprising way in your life.
With Love
Tara
Creating a life I don’t need to take a holiday from
Written on 20241021
back to summer 2024
I was working 40 hours a week at the hotel.
I took time to spend on myself
My family was in town and I spent time with them.
I was spending time with the man I was seeing.
All that by the sea. The places where I was based was in the South of France, it’s where people come on holidays.
Clients at the residence were asking me when I was going to be on holiday. 👉 I was on holidays every day. 🤩
I didn’t need to take a break from the life I was living to breath / resource / get some sun. I was getting my breaks daily.
I started about my ideal day in 2017, when I was learning about creating a business.
Today I’m living that life. I’ve been living a version of it for a while now, it’s shifted in how it looks.
Days look like:
8 am wake up - meditate, get coffee, morning walk by the sea side.
12pm join friend to eat by the beach close to her and my work.
2pm start work shift
when the afternoon were quiet I’d listen to an audio book or work on my business, thank you internet!
9:30pm end work shift
10pm home
11pm meditate and sleep
another day
5:50am wake up - meditate
6:30am leave for work
7am start work shift
2pm end work shift
3pm join family at the beach
7:30 dinner with the family
10pm meditate and sleep
On my 2 days off per week which were in the week, I’d be with the family, friends, or headed out of town.
Examples like this I have over and over.
This version was while working at the residence as head of reception.
I’m starting a new version of living a life that I don’t need to take a holiday from.
Stay Tunned for how it’s going.
With Wild Hearted Love 🤪💙
Tara x
Changing up the routine
Written on 20240818
3 weeks ago I moved out of the room I’d been staying in for over a year and a half. Staying in one place for that long I accumulated things. As reluctant I was of moving because I’d be moving back in 3 weeks, it was done.
First, while packing to move out I went through all my things, realising what I had. I packed only what I needed for the 3 weeks. I simplified my things.
Second, moving back.
I wasn’t looking forward to it, busy day at work after, little time, needed to empty the room, clean it up after. But I choose to make the best out of it. I put on a book to listen to, and off I go. Empty out, vacuum, mop, wait to dry, replace furniture and place my things.
While I was replacing my items I was reminded of how changing things around is good for creativity and shifting mindset.
When you do the same thing, every day, your mind is on default mode, it doesn’t think anymore. This is great to save energy.
I use the steps from my online course ENVIRONMENT FOR SUCCESS. Have access to the process today by clicking HERE.
ENVIRONMENT FOR SUCCESS
What if you could be the person you wish you were?
and you could make it happen without using willpower
It’s possible. and easy.
The key, is using your environment to make it happen.
You are influenced daily by your environment and you don’t even know it. It’s all happening on the subconscious level.
Example - the small items by the counter, easy to grad as you’re queuing, that’s there on purpose for you to buy more.
The magic is you can choose how to set up your home environment. Therefore you can set up habits you want to have at home, and make you do them without thinking about it.
Don’t take my word for it, give it a try and see the magic yourself.
I’ve created a step by step process to help you do just that.
LEARN MORE
Avoiding the quick fix, the question that helps me
Written on 20240813
I’ve made a choice, because someone didn’t align with my core values.
I’m currently feeling a need, I want hugs, I miss hugs, I want connection, which I had with this person but I don’t want to spend too much time with this person as their behaviour, thinking, way of being influences mine.
And I also know that If I were to reach out to this person they would like to spend time with me. We get along very well. And I’m feeling the internal struggle to stick to my choice and not veer off.
I can relate it to watching series on Netflix, where I’ve started a series, and I’ve gone binging mode, I want to go to sleep but I tell myself just one more, it’s not long and I end up watching the whole thing and go to sleep at 3 am.
It’s an addiction, I want something because it’s going to create a quick release of happy hormones in my body. I’m craving it as I know it works.
I’m also well aware of this pattern and choose to occupy myself with other activities to avoid going down that route.
What works best for me I found, is switching to my internal true want.
I ask myself:
What does Tara truly want right now?
Then I know, there’s something I’ve been thinking about doing that comes up. I focus on that, how I can take action on that. This gives me a renewed boost of energy and as it’s comes from within, it’s stronger than a quick boost of happy hormones triggered by an external interaction which only last as long as the interaction last and then I’m back to craving again.
Over the last few days (it’s Tuesday 13th August 2024 as I’m writing this) I’ve had these craving thoughts come up once or twice a day. This is a process, it’s definitely not perfect, and it’s working for me.
-I’m also staying kind to myself.
-There’s no internal judgment - no I shouldn’t be thing think, or I should. Nada
-I’m talking with my friends and coach who are incredible people supporting me and reflecting what they see in my through this process. This is golden as it’s supporting me in staying true to myself and not veering off.
Thank you for reading.
If you’re going through something similar, I know what you’re going through, you’re making the right choice, and you’ve got what it takes within yourself to stay true to you. Yes sometimes it will hurt, it’ll feel hard, and never ending. BUT, you’ve got this. It’s ok to feel crappy, to feel low on energy too. Keep showing up for yourself the best way you can, that could be just going for a walk today and that enough. I know this is not long lasting and you’re going to make what you want happen.
GO YOU!!
With Love
Wild hearted Tara x
This stings… and yet I know it was what I need to do
Written on 20240801
I’m a person that has been making conscious choices in my life for a while now. Meaning I choose what I let in my life and what I don’t. I haven’t been shy to communicate clearly when removing things from my life. When things fall in my life, same again I choose to keep it in or remove it.
I’ve been seeing an incredible man over the last 2 months, emotionally intelligent, he listens to me, truly listens, he’s supportive, I do the same for him. We have common hobbies and passions. It’s been incredible.
Over the last few weeks, it’s come up that there’s one thing he’s consciously choosing to keep in his life because he’s previously said yes and today he doesn’t feel he can go back on his word. The reason being he’s afraid of being judged, rejected and hurting others.
Ironically he’s told me that if he were to make the choice he would not choose this thing.
I heard an example of this in the book “ Willpower doesn’t Work” by Benjamin Hardy
A mentor is out camping with a group of teens. Upon waking up he asked how did everyone sleep, one Teen replies
-“ not so well”.
-“Why?” the mentor asks.
–“I was cold, the campfire faded” the teen replies.
-“did you not use your sleeping bad?”
The teen doesn’t answer, and another speaks up
-”he didn’t use his sleeping bag”
The mentor enquires
-’why not?”
Sheepishly the teen replies:
-”I thought that if I didn’t use the sleeping bag, then I wouldn’t need to roll it back up again in the morning”
The teen choose to freeze throughout the night in order to avoid the little bit of work.
A lot of people behave like this. They’d rather avoid the little amount of work / hard conversations / speaking the truth - short hardship and stick with the pain and hurt they are currently enduring long term.
I choose not to have this non choice energy in my life as it’s misaligned with my core values. And as much as I appreciate and like this man, I told him that I was no longer interested in continuing this.
This hurts like hell today. And yet I know this is the right thing to do for me.
This emotionally intelligent man replied to me a beautiful and caring response saying he knows it’s the right things to do, he admires and respects me for choosing myself and prioritising myself. And he’s also aware that he’s not ready to take this step in his own life.
I like him even more for his reply and I still know this is the choice for me to take to move me towards my goals and what I want in my life.
I’m ready to sprout!
Written on 20240729
During a coaching session, I first used the word stagnant to describe my last 2 years, but it didn’t feel right within my body.
The reason why stagnant came up is that the 2 last years were about healing and excavation. Which means there is no external confirmation of all the effort I put in over the last 2 years.
This has been a common theme during my self development journey. The work is internal, the results are internal and therefore I dismiss my progress as I grew up putting an emphasis on external results only.
Those 2 last years have been transformational.
First, I chose to leave Hong Kong for at least 6 months as I was starting to feel that something wasn’t right, I didn’t know what it was, my intuition told me that I needed out.
I changed environments completely, leaving a high stress, high expectation, a culture that rewards being busy and on the go all the time, arriving at a small sea side town where being late is the norm, moving with ease, and no one is in a rush.
6 months in I had my first healing experience where I released sadness and heaviness from being in Hong Kong during Covid. I sobbed for 30 mins, the kind that you take big breaths of air over and over. Excavation in the works.
I learned that grieving was normal, that feeling my emotions is part of the human experience when my grandfather passed away in winter 2022. I’m grateful for the grief that I felt, as one grieves when one has loved. And I love him dearly, I would talk to him more than my parents, and I have 4 parents.
On grief and grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
I choose to stay and live with my grandmother. That in itself has been a gift. We’ve grown closer to each other. The time that I’ve had with her will be memories I cherish for the rest of my life. A lot of grandkids don’t get to spend as much time with their grandparents. Thank you universe for this gift.
I joined a coaching program as I had been trying to take action forward and I felt stuck. I knew before starting that program I would remove my blocks and that it would give me so much more. That’s when the healing continued. I healing past traumas from childhood, these were part of the blocks keeping me stuck in my business journey.
ICM by Alyssa Nobriga
Breakthroughs:
Playing is good, I can play as an adult, in my business and personal life - I dare to ask more, try and fail, and I don’t take myself seriously
I can succeed without hustling. I don’t need to be exhausted, and consistently doing in order to make my dreams and goals happen
No more shoulding myself. I either want or choose not to do things. I no longer tell myself that I should be or doing things. I feel so light not shoulding myself.
I then had a phase of surrendering to what is, not needing to do, just allowing myself to be present to my life and what was happening. Learning to take surrendered action, meaning that I have a goal, I’ve broken it down to baby steps, and upon taking that step I have no expectation for the outcome of the action took.
That makes me want to take more actions, as the heaviness with a, required, wanted results is gone.
The Surrender Experiment by Michael A. Singer
After all this, and I’ve shortened it, I feel ready to sprout.
Take the image of a plant, first I replanted the plant in a nurturing environment, I trimmed leaves and branches off, trimmed the dead roots, I watered and nurtured the plant with the coaching sessions, I gave it time and space to strengthen its root again in the new soil by surrendering, let it feel where the sun was shining, and now the leaves are starting to grow again.
I feel the roots / foundation strong ready to take anything on, bring on the wind and rain. I am grounded. I have the resources to put myself first and make sure I don’t take myself for granted.
Stagnant is definitely not the word for those 2 years.
HEALING, TRANSFORMATIONAL, STRENGTHENING
It’s the journey that I needed but didn’t know I needed nor wanted. And I am so grateful that this is my journey as the woman I am today. I have a fire burning inside of me that I’m cultivating and feeling its power. Yum! I’m excited to see what is going to happen.
Get people to say this about you too!
Written on 20240724
I heard a sentence in the book The Soul Of Money by Lynne Twist, and I use it as a reminder when I’m noticing I’m not being my best version.
It’s one of the reasons friends and men I date write this to me and my heart melts when I read :
“Hi Tara, I’m happy to hear this feedback from you. What you wrote to me is allowing me to apply this wider, while staying present.”
“Thank you Tara for trusting me, for listening to me and being attentive to me”
“Thank you Tara for all that you are and that you give me”
“Thank you Tara for all your kind words. You’re extraordinary”
Here’s the question I ask myself:
What would the most extraordinary women do in this situation?
I tune into the energy of my most extraordinary self and let the answer come from that place.
No more taking myself for granted
Written on 20240715
A feeling of overwhelm comes up. My family is coming over, I haven’t seen my sister’s family for 2 years and I want to enjoy the most time with them as big as possible.
In the past, whenever family would gather I would forget about me, my goals, my eating habits and put all my energy on giving to my family. I felt pressure from myself. High expectations to be the best.
After they’d leave I’d go back to my routine, my belly feeling stuffed from eating too much, meal time is social time. Not having spent time on myself to be alone, I’m an ambivert - both intro and extrovert - therefore in desperate need of Me time. And not having done much toward my goals.
This is an old pattern I hold, and the nervous sensation that comes with it is still present in my body.
Here I am starting to feel overwhelmed again. There’s a need coming up too. I want to make sure that I put myself first.
1-me, self care, health, wellbeing, moving my body
2-coaching business growth
3-full time job, take 39h per week
4-family time
5-time with the man I’m seeing.
I want all that to happen simultaneously, I want to be able to give energy to all of this, and feel great while doing it.
NO PRESSURE haha
Tara