Expressing ANGER
Hello anger
My intention for this week is allowing myself to FEEL EVERYTHING.
Here’s one emotion that I’m used to shoving down: ANGER
I had a cry before writing this, perform the empty chair therapy exercise. And now, out my the anger be.
I’m writing this post in service to all the women out there who don’t allow themselves to feel the anger, show the anger as to not displease, not bother those around them.
Me being one of these woman in the past.
For too long I have suppressed that emotion in order to be the perfect appealing woman. So that I me be loved and accepted.
DISCLAIMER - in the unlikeliness any of my family members choose to read this, you most likely will be triggered. Don’t read further unless you can be with your feelings.
You have been warned
And yes, I’m in anger mode, and “ I don’t give a f*ck how you’re going to feel about this. I’m choosing to feel my emotions fully and express it.
Anger is part of my emotions.
PS. where there is anger, most often there is hurt and sadness behind. I am expressing this too.
LET THEM theory - I heard this book from Becky Keen, and the book is written from Mel Robbins, I did not read the book. Here’s the feel:
To my mother, whom I love deeply, and accept just as she is. I love you and I choose to set boundaries. (Yes, And - paradox exist at the same time.)
The part of me that’s angry, there’s multiple version of me at different ages all in this expression:
“You keep telling me how to be, trying to make me fit inside a box in order to fit into your perfect vision of your life. You tell me what I should and shouldn’t say, that my laugh is too loud. You tell me how I should be dressing, how I should be wearing a bra underneath my tops. You tell me that I should be married in order for me to be secure. You tell me that I’m welcome to stay at your flat but that I’, not allowed to cry in your presence.”
ARRRGGHHH!
Angry and hurt part:
“You assume things about my life from your perspective only. You don’t ask curiosity open ended questions to know what I want and what I need.
You don’t accept my emotions and thoughts, you need to change them. When I share an idea, and you disapprove of it you tell me that I should not be thinking this. When I feel sad and cry and we’re talking in person, you tell me to stop crying. When I’m on the phone with you you hang up on me. You’ve never accepted me just the way I am.
Hurt and sad part:
“I’ve never felt loved fully by you. It feels conditional. That me not being the perfect version you want me to be, means I don’t get your love.”
This has been within me since the age of 6 years old. It’s been something that’s been coming up in coaching session since 2023.
I’m writing this after a coaching session where I worked on this topic specifically. Since 2023 I have created a ressourced, loving part in me that’s always present and give me the love, and holds me in the way that my inner child has been craving all these years.
I no longer depend on receiving this externally. I tried this for years, felt empty and sad for never receiving it. Now thanks to the coaching tools I’ve learned and use with my clients I know how to self ressource myself.
Every 2 weeks I’m being coached to work on the triggers that come up in my life in order to stop projecting them on others. And to remove blocks out of the way of me moving forward.
I do my work. I go deep to remove the blocks at the root for long lasting transformative change. This allows me to live an easier and fluid life. I have the tools to be ok to be within the chaos. Because life is chaotic, always.
But I digress.
Back to the anger. I share, you are not alone in feeling and suppressing your anger. You are still lovable with your anger. There’s a difference with anger the emotion and violence an action. The emotion of anger is healthy to feel. All emotions are healthy to feel.
To fear being rejected because you feel anger is a true thing.
I invite you to transfer that fear into self acceptance and love for yourself.
You are loved with all your emotions.