Observation on helping during gatherings

Written on 20241222

gatherings with family and close friends

The conclusion : Don’t ask how can you help, observe how things are done, and jump in.

Observation - how I function

I’ve been raised to help out.

During the two months of summer, I was with my grand-parents, and we had to come before lunch to set the table. During lunch we’d get up to remove things from the table and bring the new dishes. And when we were done, we’d clean up. This was the norm when it was just my sister and I with our grand-parents

Pre lunch, I’d also be in the kitchen helping. Curious to learn how my grand-mother made the super tasty meals.

My grand-mother doesn’t delegate tasks, she wants things to be done a certain way. In the past she showed my how things were done, today I observe and I do things as she does. I do the same at every place I go. OBSERVE

When I go to close friends places, I help out. I’m the one who gets told off because I’m doing the dishes at the hosts place. I’m invited and I want to help.

OBSERVE + JUMP IN

Observations - external at family gatherings.

In two different occasion, two different cousins, asking : “How can I help?” - and crickets.

Not knowing what to do. 

Personal thoughts

👉 I know with my grand-mother she doesn’t answer as she does not delegate. Of wanting things to be done 100% her way and not wanting people in her way.

So asking won’t get you anywhere with someone who doesn’t delegate.

👉 When people are busy, they’re focused on the thing they’re doing, most often making sure the food doesn’t burn. And therefore don’t think about what else can be done.

👉 Also, when you’re already helping you’re usually where and when help is asked. I find myself at reach when something needs to be done. Whereas people coming in the middle asking, can I help?, are usually not there when the help is wanted. And not wanting to disturb, the host won’t specifically reach out to you if you’re talking to others, or busy with something else.

Goes both ways.

CONCLUSION

If you want to help, observe and jump in and be close to where you can be called for without being in the way ;)