Shit scared and doing it

I’m shit scared of the choice that I’m making. Of the action I’m following.

I’m shit scared as in my 36 years in this human experience, this is the first time in my life I’ve taken a proactive decision for me only and taking action on it.

In the past I was taking action because I was told to : Don’t do theatre at university, do a course that will get you a job at the end. And I did. I believed that I needed a man in my life for me to be successful, and I found an incredible one, and stayed together for 11 years. I was told to look a certain way, say certain things to be like and loved, and so I did. And the list goes on.

The thing was, as I was trained for all this, I became really good at it. Today it all feels it’s easy to take action on the above.

What’s not easy, is to follow my heart, to allow myself to receive what I truly desire after a lifetime of shoving it down and denying it to myself.

I’m going towards my intuition, which also means it’s not clear to me yet as its my path which hasn’t been walked yet. I’m not taking someone elses paths that’s already been walked and marked. 

Into the unknown I go. I’m letting go of the rational, and following something way deeper inside of me. Something that excites me. Something that’s pulling me forward.

It’s scary, I cry, I feel the uncertainty, and I’m leaping straight into it.

I’ve tried the certain, it left me with a big emptiness feeling. I don’t want to live in the empty anymore. I want to feel alive, as I am alive.

Ps. if you feel the need to comfort me, I invite you to look inside of yourself and notice why is that need coming up for you. I choose to feel all my feelings today. It’s healthy to feel. It’s my life, therefore it’s my choice. I invite you to join the feeling train, Bonus, get to be your greatest, boldest version self towards embodying your queen self.

From one queen to another.

With love.

Tara