Pit In My Stomach

Written on 20250118

“J’ai les boules”

I’m sitting in the train, on my way to catch the plane later on this afternoon. I can feel the density in the pit of my stomach, tears are coming down my face as I’m writing.

I’m heading to Lisbon, starting a new chapter in my life. Leaping into the unknown, allowing myself to let life pass through me. Also knowing that the universe is here for me, has my back, so no matter what happens I’ll be ok. Also knowing that when something show up in your life, it’s because you already have the capacity within you to be with it. 

Feeling fricking scared at the same time.

I spend the last days packing, I’ve been in the same place for 2 years. What felt like just packing to start with, became a moving out. I sorted through all my things, placed my belonging in my storage, and what I’m bringing with me in my 2 suitcases.

D-2 have you ever had the feeling when you’re going on holidays, you don’t feel like you’re really going until you’re on the flight or landed? That’s how this felt. It didn’t feel real. I knew it was happening, but it just didn’t feel real.

D-1 sorting, packing, moving out, cleaning. This felt like a whirlwind. Thank you checklists - my head felt like it could explode with all the things to do. I kept reminding myself that if I’d left anything behind it wasn’t a big deal as I’d be back in 2 months. Pit stop to my next location.

I spoke to a friend on the phone who started the conversation with: “how are you doing?”

“I’m stressed, overthinking and scared.”

D-0 a friend came over for coffee, place all the little things in the suitcase. Wrapped up with the flat, and off I go.