Leaving my comfort zone

This is my experience, and story.

Until now - Thinking of Bunny Young as I’m writing these 2 words “Until now” -

Until Feb 2025 I kept choosing life in my comfort zone.

Add that to choosing options to please those around me, and I’d created a life that I didn’t really want. It’s a incredible life that I’ve lived, truly is. And I wouldn’t change anything as the person I am today is thanks too all of it. Life is a paradox, you can have an incredible life and not being the one you wanted.

To go back a little:

In the school I went to, there were 3 options for the baccalaureate. I choose by elimination process of what I didn’t want. What I would have love was an art major, wasn’t there in the school.

For university, I wanted to study acting, I was told by my mum to pick a degree that I could get hired from. I somehow picked interior design, which I don’t do anymore, I did use it for 5 years of my life. The skills I learned I still use. 

Coming back to Hong Kong in 2009 after university. My mum was afraid I would loose my visa, some text came up written in a translate english that made it not 100% clear. So, I went back to Hong Kong. My deep desire then, was to stay in the UK, where I did the university, work for 1 year, put money aside to travel the world. 

I came back to Hong Kong in summer 2009, started to date someone late in the year, which lasted for 11 years. We stayed in Hong Kong all this time. I brought up the conversation of living elsewhere but as that didn’t fit with his criteria for work we stayed. Also we had a cushioned life. And incredible life. I didn’t push it, I had a good girl programming not to take space or displease anyone. 

While in Hong Kong, I didn’t push myself out of my comfort zone, life was easy and I flowed with it. Why disturb something that great right?

Apart from the fact that I had a big void inside of me. And emptiness that was consuming me more and more. 

It was in 2019 that I slowly started to lean into my edge, met other women who where leaning into their edges.

Then Covid happen.

I ended my relationship in summer 2020, and I was in survival mode. 

I needed income, found myself a job for 1 year.

In 2022, I felt something was off, that I needed to get away for HK for a while, take a break to take a breather. I told myself I’ll leave for at least 6 months and re-evaluate after that.

December 2022, my grandfather dies. I don’t have a next place to go. My grandmother is alone with my family being far away, I don’t know where to go / what to do. I choose to stay until I figure out my next steps.

Still in survival mode ish. I stay, join a year long coaching program where I become a mastery method coach. I find myself a seasonal job, then another year passes by, and I have no clue where I want to go next. I work for a second season at the same place.

And then summer 2024, I find a direction, that I choose for myself.

I head over to Portugal in January 2025, and for the first time in my life. I have made this decision 100% for myself because I want to.

Sharing all this, at 36 I finally start to make life choices for me, because I desire so. 

I’ve let go of feeling the need to do things not to make people uncomfortable. 

Ps. my current life choices are making my close family member super uncomfortable and they are thinking a lot of things about me. It's a story I want to tell, and it’ll be one for later.

The book “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle is coming to mind as well. In choosing to live life for you and not because it’s what is expected of you.

So out of my comfort zone I’m going, leaning into my edge. Welcome to uncertainty, fear and excitement. 

I had a fear of letting of something good, even great for something even greater. I didn’t allow myself to want more. “How dare I want more!” “I should be grateful for all that I had, and be satisfied with it!”

So here I am, at 36, leaning into my edge, determined. I'm allowing my fire to burn, stepping into my audacity and going after what my heart wants.

It’s not perfect; I will fail and I have failed; it’s bumpy, and it’s my path I’m blazing. And that’s a choice I am happy to make.