I’m ready to sprout!
Written on 20240729
During a coaching session, I first used the word stagnant to describe my last 2 years, but it didn’t feel right within my body.
The reason why stagnant came up is that the 2 last years were about healing and excavation. Which means there is no external confirmation of all the effort I put in over the last 2 years.
This has been a common theme during my self development journey. The work is internal, the results are internal and therefore I dismiss my progress as I grew up putting an emphasis on external results only.
Those 2 last years have been transformational.
First, I chose to leave Hong Kong for at least 6 months as I was starting to feel that something wasn’t right, I didn’t know what it was, my intuition told me that I needed out.
I changed environments completely, leaving a high stress, high expectation, a culture that rewards being busy and on the go all the time, arriving at a small sea side town where being late is the norm, moving with ease, and no one is in a rush.
6 months in I had my first healing experience where I released sadness and heaviness from being in Hong Kong during Covid. I sobbed for 30 mins, the kind that you take big breaths of air over and over. Excavation in the works.
I learned that grieving was normal, that feeling my emotions is part of the human experience when my grandfather passed away in winter 2022. I’m grateful for the grief that I felt, as one grieves when one has loved. And I love him dearly, I would talk to him more than my parents, and I have 4 parents.
On grief and grieving by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
I choose to stay and live with my grandmother. That in itself has been a gift. We’ve grown closer to each other. The time that I’ve had with her will be memories I cherish for the rest of my life. A lot of grandkids don’t get to spend as much time with their grandparents. Thank you universe for this gift.
I joined a coaching program as I had been trying to take action forward and I felt stuck. I knew before starting that program I would remove my blocks and that it would give me so much more. That’s when the healing continued. I healing past traumas from childhood, these were part of the blocks keeping me stuck in my business journey.
ICM by Alyssa Nobriga
Breakthroughs:
Playing is good, I can play as an adult, in my business and personal life - I dare to ask more, try and fail, and I don’t take myself seriously
I can succeed without hustling. I don’t need to be exhausted, and consistently doing in order to make my dreams and goals happen
No more shoulding myself. I either want or choose not to do things. I no longer tell myself that I should be or doing things. I feel so light not shoulding myself.
I then had a phase of surrendering to what is, not needing to do, just allowing myself to be present to my life and what was happening. Learning to take surrendered action, meaning that I have a goal, I’ve broken it down to baby steps, and upon taking that step I have no expectation for the outcome of the action took.
That makes me want to take more actions, as the heaviness with a, required, wanted results is gone.
The Surrender Experiment by Michael A. Singer
After all this, and I’ve shortened it, I feel ready to sprout.
Take the image of a plant, first I replanted the plant in a nurturing environment, I trimmed leaves and branches off, trimmed the dead roots, I watered and nurtured the plant with the coaching sessions, I gave it time and space to strengthen its root again in the new soil by surrendering, let it feel where the sun was shining, and now the leaves are starting to grow again.
I feel the roots / foundation strong ready to take anything on, bring on the wind and rain. I am grounded. I have the resources to put myself first and make sure I don’t take myself for granted.
Stagnant is definitely not the word for those 2 years.
HEALING, TRANSFORMATIONAL, STRENGTHENING
It’s the journey that I needed but didn’t know I needed nor wanted. And I am so grateful that this is my journey as the woman I am today. I have a fire burning inside of me that I’m cultivating and feeling its power. Yum! I’m excited to see what is going to happen.